After working with several families in family therapy, I am sharing the best ways to support your teen during this phase of their life. By the end of this blog, you will have a game plan to help your teen best.

Being a parent can be challenging. Now, adding being a parent to a Teen can be even more challenging. You all may end up frustrated, exhausted, and feeling that the relationship is not where you would like it to be.

Take an Listening Stance

Instead of jumping to a conclusion or trying to solve it for your teen, sit there and paraphrase what you heard your teen say. This can be pretty easy to do. A lot of times, teens want to be heard from their parents. If your teen does ask for advice, give them your honest thoughts. But if they do not ask for help, your role is to listen to what they are saying.

Asking Open-ended Questions

How good does it feel when someone is asking questions about you? How much/ did you wish your parents wanted to learn more about you during your development? Ask open-ended questions if your teen is engaging in a conversation with you. Open-ended questions can go as follows:

1. What’s something you're excited about right now?

2. What’s been on your mind lately?

3. What has been the highlight of your week so far?

4. What has been the low of your week?

5. What do you need me to do to help you?

   These are just some questions to ask your teen if you are wanting to do a check in with your teen/ you want to have a conversation with your teen.

Add Structure

Try to structure every day. This can help eliminate anxiety/stress, which could already be a stressful day, especially after school. Collaborating on a routine with your teen can help you both know what is going on and keep calm during this time.

Have Compromises

Talking and compromising together can help you and your teen have tough conversations. Those tough conversations can lead to a deeper level of vulnerability between the both of you. When you and your teen have conversations, even when you need to think it over, just let them know '“hey, you just brought this up to me. I want to give it the right time and think through it. Is that okay?” Or even “Hey, let’s chat about this so I understand what you are asking/wanting to do.” This can help alleviate any stress or anxiety you may have with your teen about them doing an event/activity/idea.

When you have to say “No”

We would like to say yes to our teens all of the time. AND unfortunately, some of the things they want to do/hang out with/ can be a no situation. When it is a "no" situation, explain the reason why you are saying no. I used to hate it when my parents would say, "Because I said so." or "I'm the boss." Those statements were not helpful to me when I was trying to understand the thought process. Your teens are the same way; they want to know why you might have said no. By explaing can help them understand why you are saying no and that you have taken their best interest to heart.

Empaphize the no. "I understand that you may be feeling angry/sad/frustrated/pissed off/ with this answer, and you have a right to feel this way. And I want you to understand why I said "no." Talk through this together the best you all can. Through talking through the no answer, you can empathize. And the answer is and still will be no. This is such an available lesson for everyone to learn in this situation.

1) You can have structure, even to say no.

2) Unfortunately, we don't get everything we want in life, which might be one of them.

3) That you can empathize with them and still be close.

Being a parent to a teen is hard. Its a time of growth for everyone in the household, not only for you but also for your teen. Be kind to each other during this time and try to communicate the best you all can during these times. If you all are still struggling reach out today for a family session.