7 Steps on how to Apologize

Have you ever wondered why that apology didn’t feel/sound right? Here is how to apologize and mean it!

1) Name the hurt you caused

This can help your partner/friend/family feel validated for their feelings. Example: I am sorry that I made you feel lonely/sad/hurt/unappreciated.

2) Acknowledge your impact and the damage that has been done.

This can help your partner/friend/family feel understood, know what happened, and know your role.

Example: I am sorry I made you feel (Add emotion(s)). I know that I was not helpful/added/did not listen, and it made the situation worse than it needed to be.

3) Take Responsibility for your role in the situation.

The intent of the apology is to acknowledge what you did and to start repair on the relationship from happening.

Example: I am sorry I made you feel (add emotion). I know we were in a tough situation, and you had a lot of pressure on you. I did not help by adding more stress onto you.

4) Care Deeply About the Hurt you Caused

Do you care about the hurt you caused that person/friend/partner/family member? If not, then look into why? Why did what you did not make you care about the hurt you caused?

5) Think about why you did what you did

The Answer “I don’t know” will not work here. Really think about what you did and why you did it at that moment. Looking into why you did what you did and understanding why it can make the apology more authentic to the person you are apologizing to.

6) Express your Sorrows and ask for Forgiveness

Express how you are sorry and what forgiveness will look like.

Example: I am sorry I made you feel (add emotion). I know we were in a tough situation, and you had a lot of pressure on you. I did not help by adding more stress onto you. I have learned that I need to step back when this situation comes up and help support you instead of adding to your stress. Will you forgive me?

7) Earn Back the Trust

What can you do to earn the trust back into the relationship? Ask your partner/friend/family what you can do to earn back their trust moving forward. Note this may take some time, and the person is allowed all the time to forgive you. This person can also not forgive you, and that is their right if you have done something harmful in the relationship.