"Everyone hates me!"

It's not helpful to think that everyone hates me. In fact, science shows that this thought is incorrect. Let's explore why.

A study by Harvard University, the University of Pennsylvania, and with BetterUp found that people will leave specific settings unknown or assume that others do not like them. When in fact, it's the opposite; people did enjoy the interactions with that person(s), which can lead to a person underestimating how much they were liked in that interaction.

Why do we underestimate ourselves?

• Low confidence/Low self-esteem

• Interactions as a child/family interactions

• Anxiety

• What society says about us. 

When you meet someone new, reframe your thoughts:

"I sounded dumb." Change that to = "I am learning to interact with others."

"Everyone hates me." Change that to = "I might not get along with everyone, and that's okay."

You want to make that illogical thought logical. Pull out an objective fact from that conversation. Make sure your emotions are not leading the thoughts.

Reframing is a technique that can change the meaning of something and encourages individuals to view things from a different perspective, leading to a shift in their thoughts.

Pull out something that you did in that interaction that you are proud of, such as:

I was the first person to say "hi."

I learned _______ from that person, and that was interesting!

I could listen to that person correctly for ______ amount of time.

I liked that the person did ________ during our interactions.

Anxiety likes to get the best of us, and we don't need to let it get the best of us because it is not helpful at this time, and it causes too much stress/overthinking that we can use our energy to do something else.

Reference

Mastroianni, A. M., Cooney, G., Boothby, E. J., & Reece, A. G. (2021). The liking gap in groups and teams. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 162, 109–122. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.obhdp.2020.10.013