Five things that can make your arguments worse

It is normal to have disagreements/arguments with your partner. Disagreements/arguments are where we can learn and better understand our partners. These are the five things a person should try to avoid in arguing.

1) Using "You" statements.

Using "you" statements is blaming your partner/friend/family member. Using "You" statements can cause the other person to become defensive and not hear what you are trying to talk about. Instead of "You," use statements with "I" in them. Using "I" statements can look like "I felt agitated that I had to do the chores around the house by myself.

2) Using degrading language.

Calling a partner/friend/family member a vulgar name can heighten people's defensiveness. Try to reframe from degrading language, and if you feel about operating/using that language, take a step back and calm yourself. Or even ask for a time-out.

3) Overtalking the other person.

When you are having a discussion, try to hear the other person out. Try to stick to one topic at a time. If the person says something you feel is incorrect, write it down or wait until they are done expressing their feelings/thoughts. Overtalking to another person can make you both feel unheard and not understood, which leaves everyone hurt.

4) Yelling at the other person

Once tones become higher, the defenses become higher, along with not being heard/understood. By yelling, people can become defensive and miss out on your words. Take a second to calm yourself down, or if you feel your tone becoming higher, then call a time-out.

5) Walking away without asking for a time out

When you or another person walks away, the other person can feel unheard or know what is happening. Call a time-out if you or the other person needs a break/ is struggling to understand any of the other things named above. Let you both calm and do self-care. When you are ready to talk, ask the other person if they are ready. If they "state no," then respect their boundary and ask them to let you know when they are ready.

If you are struggling with your partner, teen, or family member in connecting, reach out today for support in navigating your discussions.